The Underhand Revenge of the Groceries
You may wonder what made me explore the online world of car parts and groceries at the weekend. It's a sorry tale, well I was very sorry and so was Mr Him when he found himself on a protein diet. The tale I will now tell.
To great gossip our supermarket has lost its frontage, backage and aisledge. No walls what's over. In less than a week it had turned from aisles of cabbages and king size sheets to aisles of cable stalactites. I know this as I've glimpsed inside the carcass that was Oh Great Supermarket, the Temple of Chocolate and Sauv Blanc.
I had a plan though cunning as it was, to go under cover of darkness to the neighbouring town and borrow their supermarket. It would be a covert and quick operation. A TVshopaholic could surely pull off such a feat when it involved purchasing.
Dressed in grunge and carrying concealed shopping bags up my jumper I slipped into my reconnaissance vehicle which was conveniently smeared with mud. All the better to slip into the carpark unnoticed. My car refused to start. Not even a whimper. I had stalled at the first challenge.
There was nothing for it but to phone a friend and get a lift to nearest drinking establishment and ponder how to advance the extraction of groceries.
A Baileys and sambucca, goodness knows why, later, I had hatched grocery retrieval Plan B. This was clearly the drink of inspiration, or delusion.
Plan B was simple but sharp. Text daughter and organise a lift to next town for dawn raid.
All was well and the plan was on target up to the point the clock struck dawn. At that precise moment the Baileys struck . I had been the victim of a cunning and evil preemptive strike. The Baileys tore into me all morning and Plan B had to be abandoned. Once I recovered from the underhand and surprise attack of the creme liquor, around midday, I realised I was beaten. I was not going to be able to borrow next town's supermarket.
I needed to investigate other solutions to the status of empty fridge. It was time for surrender to online supermarket shop . Dear reader, you know the outcome of this. Suffice to say Mr Him is still enjoying his South African protein cereal to build his stamina and sporting prowess. ( see Motor Parts and Groceries)
As for the car, the young online shopping genius lent me her automotive engineer who told me the alternator had gone in the car. Again I surfed the net and ordered the appropriate part.
That dear reader is why I'm a TVshopaholic, albeit with the flexibility to explore online and my deal local supermarket when it's necessary. Dealing with real life 3d shopping in pastures new last weekend merely caused me to enter into subterfuge only to be beaten by the underhand revenge of the groceries by Baileys Most Foul.
The current status is that an alternator is in a box in the hall, the automotive engineer is due tomorrow if young online shopping genius gives him freedom and I am about to open laptop and submit another online grocery order.
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